Does a wife need the permission of her husband to keep voluntary fast?

My wife is really struggling with the idea that why does a woman need to get her husband’s permission to observe voluntary fast? She is really confused about the fact that this is an act between her and Allah, why does she need permission from a human being? She has got some answers from local Imams saying that the man is more inclined towards going out and committing Zina, so that’s why the woman should be readily available for her husband. This answer really made her upset, because she contested that there are women out there who are as vulnerable as men. Can you please provide us a detailed answer, because she is really struggling with this spiritually and physically?

Answer:

All praise is due to Allah, exalted is He, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger Muhammad.

This answer is written taking for granted that the husband and wife in question are aware that it is a basic right of the husband to be sexually satisfied by his wife when he is in need. This is well emphases in the shar’iah. It is also true, although not as expressly emphasised nor as prolifically discussed, that the wife’s right is also that her husband ensures her chastity by fulfilling her sexual needs. This is well established in Islamic jurisprudence.

As for the issue at hand, the straight forward textual answer to the above question is that Allah, whose worship she finds conflicting with her husband’s needs is the same God who commands, through the words of his Messenger, that she does not fast without His permission. If both rulings come from the same Lord, how can there be any contradiction or room for confusion?

The truth is a woman’s position in the marital relationship, her rights over her husband and his over her are not man-made but stipulated by Allah, exalted is He, and His Messenger, peace be upon him. Thus fulfilling each other’s rights, even sexually, is as much an act of worship as performing prayer and fasting. As long as both types of worship remain for the sake of Allah, exalted is He, they should be looked upon as mutually complementary rather than contradictory.

On that note it is necessary to cite the hadith of Bukhari below which clearly narrates the explicit command of the Prophet, peace be upon him in this regard.

“A woman should not fast (optional fasts) except with her husband’s permission if he is at home (staying with her).” [Sahih Bukhari]

Our duty as Muslims is to approach the teachings of the Prophet, peace be upon him, with the attitude enjoined by the Qur’an, “And it becometh not a believing man or a believing woman, when Allah and His messenger have decided an affair (for them), that they should (after that) claim any say in their affair; and whoso is rebellious to Allah and His messenger, he verily goeth astray in error manifest.” [Al-Ahzab, 33:36]

Having made the textual argument above, it is also understandable for a person to want the rulings of Allah, exalted is He, to make sense so that one feels content about them. For that purpose, I include the explanation below.

Firstly, the precedent of an act of worship, between a servant and his/ her Lord, being compromised due the right of a person is not exclusive to this example. Thus a nafl fast should be broken to join one’s guests for food or if one is invited to food by one’s host. Nafl salah should be broken if one’s parents call one whilst one is in prayer if they are oblivious to the fact that one is praying. It is also not true that only a woman has to consider her husband when she fasts but the same has been enjoined by the Prophet, peace be upon him to the husband.

In sahih Bukhari, under the chapter heading, ‘the chapter of the right of the family in fasting’, he narrates the following hadith: It is narrated from ‘Abdallah Ibn ‘Amr that it reached the Prophet, peace be upon him, that I continuously fasted and prayed at night. So he either sent for me or I met him, and he said, ‘have I not been informed that you fast continuously and pray? You should fast and not fast and pray and sleep for your eyes deserve a portion of you and your family deserves a portion of you.’ He said, ‘I am strong enough for that’. So he said, ‘then fast the fast of Dawud’. He asked, ‘how?’ He said, ‘he used to fast a day and not fast a day.’ (al-Bukhari)

This hadith shows that a man has to also consider the needs of his wife when fasting optionally. However, this is emphasised to a greater extent in the case of a woman to the point that she has to seek her husband’s permission. This permission can be implied and does not have to be express permission because even if she had fasted it is permissible for her to break it later on, even without a reason according to many jurists. If the couple have an understanding about such things permission can be deemed implied and need not be sought with each individual fast.

The reason for the greater emphasis is simply the greater need of the husband. I don’t think it requires extensive evidencing to demonstrate to the average wife that her husband’s sexual needs and demands far outweigh her own. Of course, this is not always the case, but the shari’ah’s standard commands take in to consideration the predominant and preponderant reality. The reality here is that a man’s need for sexual gratification and the likelihood of falling foul of the whisperings of the Shaytaan as a result of not being satisfied are greater than that of a woman. This is a weakness on the part of a man which is counterbalanced by his right to sexual intercourse from his wife. He then also counterbalances his weakness by using his superior natural capacities to support and maintain his wife with no legal obligation upon her in this regard. This also includes her sexual satisfaction. Thus he also cannot refuse her when she requires to be satisfied as this would be tantamount to exposing her to fitnah and the workings of the Shaytaan. Thus if the man was keeping a nafl fast and his wife felt sexual desire for him, he too should break his fast and satisfy her; an act for which both are rewarded.

The simple truth in this matter is that the shari’ah takes in to consideration the differences between men and women in their physicality, their psychology and emotions, and their disposition in the aggregate of its rulings. It aims to give both an equal measure of rights and duties but not exactly the same rights and duties. This is where Islam differs with secular ideals and thus, this is also where Muslims living in secular societies have to create a clear differentiation between seeking the rights that Allah has given them as men and women exclusively and seeking each other’s exclusive rights. The former is just while the latter is unjust, the repercussions of which are around for us to see.

Please reassure your wife that her seeking your permission to perform a voluntary fast is neither demeaning nor degrading to her. Unlike obligatory fasts, which are an obligation solely due to Allah Most High, voluntary fasts involve the rights of a fellow human being, namely the husband.

In any case, based on the above and out of mutual respect and consideration for each other, both husband and wife should check with each other before performing a voluntary fast. This is expected based on the verse, ‘live with them on a footing of kindness and equity’ (4:19) and the verse, ‘and women shall have rights similar to the rights against them, according to what is equitable; but men have a degree over them.’ (2:228) The general principles of love, compassion, consideration, generosity, etc, apply in everyday marital life more than legal rules and edicts of jurisprudence.

Allah knows best the truth.

Answered by: Maulana Shams Ad-duha Muhammad